2024 is the last year of life as I currently know it. After a five year long rollercoaster of a journey, I am finally in my last semester of university. I will be graduating in May with a degree in computer science. It's interesting to think about how even just a year ago, I would not have believed I was able to do it. I almost didn't. But, here I am. It was never as bad as it seemed to me at times.

I am not quite sure what I am going to do with myself once I graduate. I have a short term plan: renew my lease and get a full time job to sustain myself, but then what? Will I continue my education? What will my purpose be? This is hard for me to conceptualize right now; it'll be such a drastic change in lifestyle that my mind hasn't fully processed it's going to happen yet.

As I prepare to leave school, I am becoming more aware of a lack of community in my life, a lack of a feeling of belonging. It's part of the reason why I made this site: as my opportunities to find a community in real life become uncertain, I am turning to the Web to build one myself, hopefully. This feeling isn't new to me though. In fact, it's something I've felt for as long as I can remember. I've never really known complete, unconditional acceptance. I've become so used to giving up pieces of myself to make others happy that I reached a point where I completely lost touch with who I was. The real me became an abstract concept - something so deeply repressed that no words or actions could have cohenrently expressed.

For new years 2023, one of my resolutions was to "be more opinionated". I didn't want to be passive anymore, going along with what the people around me were saying or doing. I was going to form my own opinions, and I was going to voice them, however small or inconsequential they may be. I don't mean this in the argumentative sense, rather in the sense that I want to build my identity. How do I expect to exist if I don't believe in anything? How can I exist if I am not putting anything out into the world? To me, "being more opinionated" doesn't only mean sharing my thoughts about the media I like, but also openly expressing my feelings, however messy they may be, experimenting with new art styles, dressing up in cool clothes just to go grocery shopping, allowing myself to be happy even if I don't feel like I "deserve it". For this new year, I am renewing this resolution. I need to have confidence and certainty behind my thoughts and actions. Because otherwise "I" will cease to exist again.

This website is a piece of me. By putting it out there into the world, I am establishing my existence on this planet. I'm here. I exist. Everything else can change, but I'll still be here.